給自己的提醒/Note to Self

因為前幾天生活中的小小經歷,使我重新思考我和英文這個語言的關係。

A few days ago something happened in my life, and it makes me reconsider the relationship between me and English.

一直以來,我有很多機會透過英文吸收資訊,或是以英文與人溝通。

Through out my life, I have been given lots of opportunities to access information written in English or to communicate in English.

有一段時間,我覺得英文如同一種避風港。我用另一種語言表達自己,彷彿這樣就能逃離中文環境裡的一切令人失望的事或痛苦的事。

There was a time that I saw English as certain kind of shelter for me.  I use English as an alternative language to express myself.  By writing or speaking in English, I thought maybe I would be able to get away from all the disappointment or miseries that happened in the Mandarin-speaking environment that I’ve been surrounded all my life.

在這種想法之下,英文是無聲的好朋友,沉默地張開雙臂接納著我。

English then became sort of like a silent company, opening its arms, embracing me in silence.

又或者,在我可以用英文與人溝通的時候,我會覺得我好像變成了以英文為母語的人,像是一個英語系國家的公民。

Or, every time when I communicate with people in English, I would see myself as if I was a native speaker or a citizen from those English speaking countries.

然而,這只是我一廂情願的想法罷了。最近透過我的工作,我學到不少英文的片語,我也更深刻感覺到,這個我所以為的好友,還有很多事我不知道,這個語言也不是我的母語。

But all this is just my wishful thinking.  I’ve come across with lots of English idioms at work recently. That makes me feel more than ever that I actually don’t know very much about this “good friend of mine," and English is not my native tongue.

這樣的領悟看似戳破我長久以來對英文的幻想,但也是一種對於個人的釋放。既然英文並不是我與生俱來的擁有的某種東西,我就不必在意我的英文好或不好,或者要為了符合我取得的學位去努力假裝英文彷彿是我的母語一般。當我可以放下這一些,我就能回來看我自己,也看看身邊圍繞著的其他美好的語言,或是我其實一直很熱愛的某些語言。

This revelation seems to bring my idealization of English to an end, but it is also a liberation.  English is not something that I was born to inherent, so I don’t have to care that much if my English is good or bad. I don’t have to work hard on building an image that is coherent to the diploma I received years ago, and I don’t have to pretend to be some sort of native speaker anymore.  When I can let go of all these, I can take a good look at myself and my surrounding.  I can set my eyes on other beautiful languages around me, or I can look at some other languages that I have been passionate about.

能夠在此時此刻有此發現,我很高興。雖然我每天還是得要讀很多英文,但是我想我跟這個語言之間的關係會不一樣。希望這個想法可以帶出更多的不同。

I am glad to have this revelation at this moment in my life. Although I still need to read in English everyday, I think I’ll have a different relationship with it. I hope this difference in thought can bring up difference in other areas of my life.

廣告

作者

serendipity

Living at the corner of the (Third) world, the blogger herself is still in the middle of experiencing the wonder (or shock) of life. 太平洋的小島上的一位無名人氏。至今仍然在體驗生命中的各樣驚奇(或驚嚇)。

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