走過的日子 - the days

給自己的提醒/Note to Self(2014)

因為前幾天生活中的小小經歷,使我重新思考我和英文這個語言的關係。

A few days ago something happened in my life, and it makes me reconsider the relationship between me and English.

一直以來,我有很多機會透過英文吸收資訊,或是以英文與人溝通。

Through out my life, I have been given lots of opportunities to access information written in English or to communicate in English.

有一段時間,我覺得英文如同一種避風港。我用另一種語言表達自己,彷彿這樣就能逃離中文環境裡的一切令人失望的事或痛苦的事。

There was a time that I saw English as certain kind of shelter for me.  I use English as an alternative language to express myself.  By writing or speaking in English, I thought maybe I would be able to get away from all the disappointment or miseries that happened in the Mandarin-speaking environment that I’ve been surrounded all my life.

在這種想法之下,英文是無聲的好朋友,沉默地張開雙臂接納著我。

English then became sort of like a silent company, opening its arms, embracing me in silence.

又或者,在我可以用英文與人溝通的時候,我會覺得我好像變成了以英文為母語的人,像是一個英語系國家的公民。

Or, every time when I communicate with people in English, I would see myself as if I was a native speaker or a citizen from those English speaking countries.

然而,這只是我一廂情願的想法罷了。最近透過我的工作,我學到不少英文的片語,我也更深刻感覺到,這個我所以為的好友,還有很多事我不知道,這個語言也不是我的母語。

But all this is just my wishful thinking.  I’ve come across with lots of English idioms at work recently. That makes me feel more than ever that I actually don’t know very much about this “good friend of mine," and English is not my native tongue.

這樣的領悟看似戳破我長久以來對英文的幻想,但也是一種對於個人的釋放。既然英文並不是我與生俱來的擁有的某種東西,我就不必在意我的英文好或不好,或者要為了符合我取得的學位去努力假裝英文彷彿是我的母語一般。當我可以放下這一些,我就能回來看我自己,也看看身邊圍繞著的其他美好的語言,或是我其實一直很熱愛的某些語言。

This revelation seems to bring my idealization of English to an end, but it is also a liberation.  English is not something that I was born to inherent, so I don’t have to care that much if my English is good or bad. I don’t have to work hard on building an image that is coherent to the diploma I received years ago, and I don’t have to pretend to be some sort of native speaker anymore.  When I can let go of all these, I can take a good look at myself and my surrounding.  I can set my eyes on other beautiful languages around me, or I can look at some other languages that I have been passionate about.

能夠在此時此刻有此發現,我很高興。雖然我每天還是得要讀很多英文,但是我想我跟這個語言之間的關係會不一樣。希望這個想法可以帶出更多的不同。

I am glad to have this revelation at this moment in my life. Although I still need to read in English everyday, I think I’ll have a different relationship with it. I hope this difference in thought can bring up difference in other areas of my life.

廣告

發表迴響

在下方填入你的資料或按右方圖示以社群網站登入:

WordPress.com 標誌

您的留言將使用 WordPress.com 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Google+ photo

您的留言將使用 Google+ 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Twitter picture

您的留言將使用 Twitter 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

Facebook照片

您的留言將使用 Facebook 帳號。 登出 /  變更 )

w

連結到 %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.