So Ironic…

這段節目一直都很想分享出來，只是不曉得該選什麼時候。不過在前一篇 po過新一版的〈Ironic〉歌詞之後，就想到這段妮可基嫚（Nicole Kidman）曾經在電視上公開的一段約會趣事，對於另一個當事人—也就是主持人吉米法隆 （Jimmy Fallon）來說，應該也可以算是某種人生的 irony：有機會和大美女約會，結果卻搞砸了。

很神經病地把節目內容做了聽打，但發現聽打真的好不容易，因為有些地方講得太快聽不太清楚確切的字詞，看來聽打還是沒辦法成為我的另一種專業。他們過去那場約會的始末，大致上就是：多年前的某日，當時應該還是在《周六夜現場》（Saturday Night Live）當喜劇演員的吉米，突然接到好友來電說妮可基嫚想跟他見個面，說對方可能是想談談《神仙家庭》（Bewitched）那部電影之類的，又說他們大概不久之後就可以到他家。他一下子聽到有大明星要到家裡，也很慌張，根本不知道該怎麼辦。不過站在妮可的角度，她把這次的會面當成約會，應該是帶著「想認識這個人」的心理而去的。結果，吉米卻只拿出簡單的鹹餅乾以及冰箱的中國菜招待，又拿出電玩，戴著帽子，從頭到尾都嗯嗯啊啊不怎麼說話。因此，過了一個半小時之後，她就覺得對方大概對她沒興趣，或是可能不喜歡女生。聽完妮可對這段往事的說法，吉米整個人尷尬到想躲到椅子下面，也許那時他真的不曉得一個大美女突然來家裡要幹嘛緊張得要死，但他可是自己親手把一個好機會往外推。這段影片播出後當然成為娛樂新聞焦點，影片點閱率也很高，不過如今兩個人都各自有家庭小孩，都過得很幸福，這段往事對於他們來說，也是個令人莞爾的人生片段吧。

影片中的另一部分，則是兩人雖然一直想要回到正題去談《柏靈頓—熊愛趴趴走》（Paddington）那部以小熊為主角的電影，不過總是會繞回來談那場約會的細節，還有妮可現在的老公 Keith Urban，以及妮可與吉米兩人之間到底有沒有火花。對話內容不停地在公事與私事之間遊走，這大概是我看過最好笑也最尷尬的一場訪談。

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Jimmy Fallon (JF): I don’t know if you remember this, [but] we met before.

Nicole Kidman(NK): Oh, I remember.

JF: Do you rememebr this? It’s really embarassing.

NK: Yes…

JF: It was! Do you want me to tell…

NK: I’m not seeing you since then. Right?

JF:I have not. That’s correct.

NK: No.

JF: But this is years ago. Do you want me to tell my version of the story?

NK: Yeah, you tell your version.

JF: I’m walking down the street in the New York City. My friend Rick calls me and says, “dude, what are you doing?” I go, “I’m just walking down the streets.” He goes, “I have Nicole Kidman with me, and she wants to meet you for eh…maybe to be in “Bewitched” or something like that.” So I go, “What? Okay.” And he goes, “I can be in your apartment like ten minutes.” I go, “you’re gonna bring Nicole Kidman to my apartment? I don’t know…what do I do? What do I have something…what do I do?” [He goes,] “I don’t know, [get something like] cheese crackers or something.” “Cheese crackers? What are you talking about? I don’t have dinner party, I don’t have anything over my house. My house is all pants and sneakers, I was really…so I go to a deli, I [go], “what do you mean, cheese?” “Get Brie or something.” Brie? I didn’t even know what that is, so I go in and this is like “I’m on…(unclear) or something, I don’t really remember what it was…

NK: I just remember I liked you and he was like “not now.” Uh…I’m maried now. But he was like, “Oh, you could meet…

JF: What?

NK: Not that way!

JF: Wait…what?

NK: So he says…

JF: Wait…

NK: So Rick, our mutual friend, say, “ oh, you know Jimmy wants to meet you, you can go to his apartment, and…” And I’m single, I’m like “okay, yeah, cool!”

JF: What?

NK: Yes!

JF:Whh…what…are you talking about?

NK: Yes!

JF: Did I date Nicole Kidman?

NK: Sure!

JF: Did we go on a date?

NK: ..So I go on [a date with you] and you’re wearing a basecall cap and [the house is] like nothing…just like…

JF: I had Brie cheese!

NK: You wouldn’t talk! You didn’t say anything and just like “hey…hmm, hmm…” Do you–

JF: I was very nervous! [That’s why I was like] Mmm mmm mmm…

NK: I’m like, “okay, so this was a…”

JF: I didn’t know this was a thing! I thought this was for the movie.

NK: It’s like a hang(ing out)…It’s meant to just… I don’t know…and then you put a videogame on or something, and I’m like…

JF: Alright…

NK: “This is so bad!”

JF: (Hiding under the chair)

NK: It was bad!

JF: (Going back to his seat)

NK: I swear…and you didn’t talk at all!

JF: Oh my God…(Hiding his face in hands)

NK: And so after about an hour and half I thought, “he has no interest,” this is so embarassing…

JF: (Hiding his face in hands again) I had no clues…at all!

NK: And I left and went “okay, no chemistry.” And then I was like, “maybe he’s gay!”

JF: Come on! I’m out of here. Take care. (Getting up from the seat and leaving)

NK: Okay…now I have to…(Moving to Jimmy’ seat)

JF: Well…(Lying down on the guest’s sofa)

NK: So, tell me, Jimmy…

JF: Well, doctor…I remember it like it was yesterday, Kicole Kidman walked into my apartment…

NK: That was our date…

JF: Did you remember what my apartment look like? (Heading back to his seat)

NK: Not much. (Going back to guest’s seat) Anyway, we were’n’t meant to be, right?

JF: Wow…did you make a good decision?

NK: Stop it! You did!

JF: You did a great and a fantastic decision…

NK: You didn’t…anyway, it was like that [we have no common]…but now…

JF: Oh my gosh, I’m in shock right now!

NK: You and I…we’re both married with kids.

JF: Yeah…I can’t believe I dated Nicole Kidman. This is fantastic!

NK: (laughing) You didn’t!

JF: This is unbelievable! I was wondering what was the awkward moment ever…I don’t–

NK: You are red.

JF: I really am! I’m in shock!

NK: So am I!

JF: I can’t believe it. You’re definitely embarrssed. I mean…oh, my gosh! Are you [still] friends with Rick anymore? (Shaking his head)

NK: Yes, I just saw him!

JF: No, I didn’t talk to him after that, yeah.

NK: It’s horrible!

JF: You made a very [good] decision. Keith Urban is so much cooler than I am…uh…he is a rock star, [and] you live in Nashville…

NK: I do.

JF: He’s always on tour, isn’t he? How’s a…

NK: No…

JF: Yes, [he is] a country guy, he’s always on tour…

NK: You’re not trying to be serious…

JF: Yeah, I’m trying to be serious. Look, he’s a deal.

NK: Yeah.

JF: I’m not always on tour. I’m always at home…and now…I have kids…

NK: You’re working all the time! Okay…

JF: What did he have done? He played a gig in the New Year’s Eve, right?

NK: He did, [it’s] in Niagara Falls.

JF: Niagara Falls? The Canada side or the New York side?

NK: The Canada side.

JF: That’ the side.

NK: It’s beautiful.

JF: The Canada side is like lights and it’s like Vegas. It’s fun. The New York side is like a lemony snick and a bookcover like…sad and [the] trees have no leave on it, you know? What happened? Why that side is so much worse, and the Canada side, that’s the place to [go]?

NK: Yeah.

JF: It’s amazing, we’re gonna working on that side with the farmers.

NK: Yes. I’ve never been to the New York side.

JF: Oh, please…we know…we’ll fix it on that. But where does he play?

NK: He played it for a big show there for about sixty thousand people.

JF: Have you been to Niagara Falls?

NK: I had before…No…we can’t even have a conversation…

JF: You feel…something…yeah, you feel chemistry…

NK: I’m not!

JF: We have chemistry now! It’s too late, baby! Shouldn’t sell, Okay, Nicole? Taken, okay? I’m taken, okay? I can’t believe it what was…

NK: I’m never coming to this show again…

JF: No! Come on! Please, come on! They are feeling it, this is fantastic! We love Keith, we love Keith…He’s been on the show…

NK: I love Keith!

JF: I know you love Keith more than I do. I am not saying I like Keith Urban, I’m saying I enjoy his music, and I like him…and I like his personality.

NK: And now we’re fighting over Keith!

JF: I don’t have a–

NK: This is–

JF: Only one of us here is in love with Keith.

NK: It’s a disaster.

JF: No, it’s not…but he’s always been on the show, you’ve never been on the show…is this why?

NK: Absolutely…No…

JF: So odd!

NK: No, I just…we would watch you at home and I would be like, “gosh! Will I ever go to that show and bring that story up? Hmm, maybe not.”

JF: And you did!

NK: And now I did! Anyway, let’s talk about “Paddington.”

JF: This is the best [talk] I’ve ever had, a great date. Let’s talk about “Paddington.” Paddington…congratulations, it’s a big hit already, internationally, right?

NK: Yes.

JF: Overseas, they release it overseas. Yeah…

NK: Yeah…

JF: I remember I’ve got Brie cheese…

NK: And corn chips!

JF: Corn chips! I didn’t get…did I get corn chips?

NK: Yeah, and so old Chinese food.

JF: (laughing) How can I buy old Chinese food?

NK: It was in the fridge.

JF: It was in the fridge.

NK: Yeah…

JF: It really was nothing there.

NK: See? I’ve got a good memory.

JF: Oh my God, remember I’ve got salted crackers (opened) ? I didn’t have …oh! It’s just really awful. I didn’t know…

NK: And what sport do you really like? Is that baseball or–something?

JF: [You mean the] Sports I was into? The hat I was wearing? Why is–

NK: Yeah. I think it’s some baseball or…yeah.

JF: What you remember is a a baseball cap, cool.

NK: And some sweats.

JF: No, I will not wear sweat pants! What are you talking about? That would be like Duck Dynasty guys. I am not wearing camo sweat pants… I was dressed properly like 3 piece or something?

NK: You weren’t interested, so you wore sweat pants and baseball cap!

JF: It’s not true! What’s that? I don’t even know what you are talking about! Now I’m like freaking out. I’m gonna go back to “Paddington” and edit this out.

NK: Yeah.

JF: (laughing)

NK: The bear…[it’s a] beautiful, adorable bear.

JF: It’s a cute bear. It’s a cute movie. And you play the villian in the movie.

NK: I do.

JF: That’s a good, juicy role.

NK: Yep.

JF: Did you always want to play…what?

NK: I can’t even talk to you!

JF: You’re stuttering or something…or it’s nervous?

NK: It’s only because you made me laugh now, I–

JF: I make you laugh?

NK: Now–

JF: I always make you laugh…alright, let’s talk about it. There’s a few bomer s that was in,

NK: So funny…

JF: You love him. It’s a CGI bear, and of course we know the book…

NK: But the bear does have beautiful eyes. No, he does!

JF: He does!

NK: (To the band) Why are you laughing?

JF: No, they weren’t–Everyone is feeling the sexual…chemistry here…And it’s awkward…and it’ just odd…we’re like…(unclear) brothers? That was a new…(unclear) That was really cool. I can’t believe that’s …